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A Plea to Listen

Those of you who I talk to often know I have had a lot of questions on the role of women in the gospel. Personally, for the most part I have never felt like men have dominated over me in the church. For the most part. I had some struggles on my mission and in some callings but it was never something that was a huge deal. However, while there are many like me who have never or rarely felt unequal in the church, there are women who have felt extremely unequal. As I have listened to their heart breaking stories I've felt a renewed determination to understand what are the doctrines from God and what are the philosophies of men when it comes to women and how they participate in the gospel and in family life.

I won't go into what I've learned so far right now, but I do want to plead with those faithful and who have never had questions to please listen to your sisters. The New Testament and the Book of Mormon both make it clear that we are to mourn with those that mourn. (Romans 12:17 and Mosiah 18:9) To me this does not mean to tell them to stop thinking about it because it'll all be worked out in the next life. It does not mean to tell them Satan is deceiving them and causing them to doubt. It means to feel their pain. It doesn't mean you have to doubt with them, just that you allow yourself to just be with them and feel with them. If you are comforting a grieving friend who has lost a loved one, you don't have to have lost a loved one in order to mourn with them. It's the same with doubt and questions. Doubting is painful! I did not realize it either before my faith crisis, but it's horrible. And it's not something you can just magically turn off. (Oh I wish it was.) I've been lucky because my family has been a wonderful listening support as I've been working through my own doubts. But not everyone has that. Often, they get quite the opposite. 

So please, the next time you see someone questioning women's roles in the gospel or feeling frustrated with the way things are, don't tell them they need to repent. Don't tell them they are crazy and that everything is fine. Don't be afraid that their doubts will some how ruin your testimony. Trust Jesus, ask for His love, and let that love and understanding spill out of you over to the person who has questions. I think you'll be amazed at how powerful love really is.

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